Overcoming the need to compare and compete with others

hey my love,

Overcoming the need to compare and compete with others

Have you ever compared yourself to others and wished that you had their lives or gotten jealous about your friends success and unconsciously compared your achievement to theirs? If you have ever felt this way it is completely normal, and it doesn’t mean you are a bad person it just means that you are human.

We live in a very competitive society, where competition is celebrated and we are taught from an early age that it is good to be competitive. we learn to compete with classmates, teammates and even down to our professional colleagues. Someone who is highly competitive might even have the tendency to be competitive with siblings and friends. This then leads to comparison and jealousy.

Me saying this, doesn’t mean that I am against competition or that I think it is bad. I think competition is a good thing and it is essential for our success. My problem with competition comes when, rather than competing with our previous self to be the best version of ourselves, we see life as a competition that we are trying to win, and people around us as “competitors” even if those people are people we love and care about.

This negative view of competition often turns our focus to beating others to feel better about ourselves and thinking that other people’s success, talent, or happiness has something to do with us. Which often leads to inferiority, comparison and jealousy.

It is important that we let go of this view of competition because life is not a game and our purpose in life is not to out do or beat the next person. It is important that we see life has a journey and that we are all on different paths. If life was a game everyone would be equal and everyone would be racing on the same path. And as we can see this is not the case because life itself is not equal and some people's paths are just different from others.

We are all different people with different sets of skills and talents, so there is no need to compete and compare yourself with the next people because It is just a waste of time and energy. To give an analogy, it would be like a person who is playing a game of golf comparing himself to a person who is playing a basketball game. Ridiculous right? They are two different games that require two different set of skills, so don't waste your time comparing. Just focus on competing with your previous self and getting better everyday.

I would be giving you a few tips on how to stop comparison and negative competition, so sit back and learn.

The first tip I would be giving you is embracing your strength. Your strength is what sets you apart from other people so embrace that. Don't waste your time comparing yourself to someone who has a different strength to you. See your strength as something that is peculiar to you for your own journey of life.

The special skills that you have, have been given to you because it's necessary for your journey of life. Don't stress yourself by being envious of other people's strengths. You might not have been given that strength because it's not relevant to your journey. It's like a basketball star being jealous of a singer's voice or a singer being jealous of a basketballer's ability to play basketball those are two different set of skills that is not relevant to their line of work or growth and so it is just a waste of time being jealous of the other. So rather than being jealous about another person's talent or strength, just focus on maximizing your strength to the best of your own ability.

Don't kill your joy by comparing your life to another person's life or wishing to have their life. Things aren't always as they seem. Sometimes people might be dealing with tough situation that, you wouldn't know about because they are so good at hiding it and you are so busy comparing your inside to their outside. Remember social media does a good job at highlighting the best part of people's life. Not because someone seems to be having a great time on social media doesn't mean they also do not have things that they are struggling with. So be grateful for your life and rather than wish to have someone else's life, focus on leveling up so you won't have to wish to have their life.

Third tip, drop the scarcity mentality. Someone's success is not an hindrance to yours because the world is big enough for everyone to shine. There are so many successful artists, actresses, athletes and business owners in the world that we live in and one person’s success did not stop the others from succeeding. So don't get jealous or competitive when a close friend or family member has a win, just be happy and supportive. That person having a win doesn't mean you will never have a win, just be patient and trust the process.

Also know your weaknesses, own it and accept it. There is no need to try and compete with someone else to feel better about yourself. Everybody has areas they are good at and areas they are not that is life. So don't waste your time competing with someone that is better at something than you are, just because you want to feel better about yourself, it will only lead to you feeling insecure and bad about yourself. Rather focus that energy on being better than you were the previous day.

Lastly if you always feel the need to compare and compete with others to feel good about yourself, you have to really dig deep and ask yourself why you have the need to do so. Does it come from a place of wanting to be accepted or a place of not loving yourself enough. Figure this out and have a conversation with yourself.

Here is the quote for the week;

Here is the podcasts for the week;

Check out this podcast I really found it insightful and interesting.

Here are my top three lessons of the week;

1. Do not stress too much about what the future will hold because the future is out of your control. Try to be in the present and do your best everyday and everything will be fine.

2. Everyone has fear, the only difference is that some took the leap while being afraid and others let the fear stop them.

3. Put yourself out there and be confident in your ability. It only takes one person hearing about you to change everything.

We have come to the end of this week's newsletter and it means a lot to me that you read it to this point. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it for you. If you loved reading this newsletter don't forget to share it.

Bye my love and see you next week,

Better Me Girl